“Healthy relationships rely on how well you express your feelings, expectations, needs, and problems.”
Society tells us that we need love to be perfect, but many people don’t understand precisely what actual, stable romantic relationships look like. Comparing the real relationships to those we see being portrayed in the media makes it easy to feel that our relationships are falling short. Films usually stop just at the beginning of romantic relationships. Okay, naturally: The start is the exciting part! What the videos do not reveal is what occurs during and after the disputes of the lovers, when all of the make-up is over.
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What occurs when the kids wake you up in the wee hours of the night, dirty laundry is scattered all over the house, and the stack of expenses continues to grow bigger? The definition of a romantic relationship is skewed by television, creating an unattainable ideal. We deceive ourselves into believing that you can change the “role” to make him a lifelong monogamous spouse. Such marriages are unreal, pushing the argument that true love conquers all, provides infinite joy, and entails nil disputes. When people embrace this universal view of love, partners are becoming more likely to enter into partnerships focused on a wish for satisfaction and personal fulfillment. When the original romantic feelings vanish, people believe the passion has gone away. They become emotional metro stations, shifting from one relation to another. This can be troublesome since it raises high expectations about the reality of sex love and intimacy in a relationship.
1. Seek early support.
The average couple stays six years until they seek assistance with marital issues — so keep in mind about half of all relationships that fail in the first seven years do so. It shows that the average couple unhappily survives for far too much.
2. Change yourself.
People in relationships that are always happy do not say any critical thought when debating touchy issues.
3. Lighten the “start-up.”
Quarrels generally worsen as one partner makes a derogatory or scornful statement in an aggressive tone. Work up the issues gently and without criticism.
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4. Accept influence.
A relationship works to the degree that the husband takes the opinion of the wife too. Essentially, it ensures that both the partners get a saying about decisions that depend on both of them. If a woman says, “Do you need to go out Friday night with your friends? My parents are coming this week, and I need your help getting prepared, “and her husband responds,” My schedules are fixed, and I am not ready to alter them,” this can cause any shakiness in a relationship. Gottman emphasizes the willingness of the husband to be manipulated by his woman, as evidence shows that women are typically well-practiced in embracing men’s power. A healthy marriage exists when both husband and wife acknowledge mutual control.
5. Provide high expectations.
From the onset, happy couples have high standards for one another. The most successful partners are those who refuse to accept hurtful behavior from one another, even as newlyweds. At the start of a relationship, the lesser the degree of tolerance of bad behavior, the happier the pair will be in the future.
6. Try to fix and stop fighting.
Successful partners are aware of how to quit an argument. They fix after conflict by using attempts to change the subject into something completely different; by using humor; by making a compassionate remark (“I get this is a tough topic to discuss”). Maintaining common ground (“This is our problem”); stepping away (as Gottman puts it, “In marriage as in martial art Aikido, you will surrender to win”); and giving signals of mutual appreciation along the way (“I really want to thank you for …”). Take a 20-minute pause if an argument gets too intense, then decide to discuss the subject again when both of you are relaxed.
7. Concentrate on the positive side.
Successful partners make at least five times as many positive statements to the other spouse and about each other and their relationship as negative ones while resolving issues. E.g., “We are having fun together,” instead of “You never want to do it.” A good marriage has to have a rich optimistic atmosphere. Allow contributions periodically to your emotional accounts.